Retired Bridesmaid..

I've addressed countless invitations.. I've constructed too many centerpieces.. Candles have been lit, spray tans have been sprayed.. Hair has been curled, make-up has been applied.. I've bought over 15 dresses; shoes have been purchased, jewelry borrowed, all NEVER to be worn again.. Eyebrows have been waxed, bridal showers have been thrown.. I've spent hundreds of dollars on lingerie that I'm sure was only worn on the honeymoon.. I've spent hundreds of dollars on kitchen ware novelty items, not anything needed.. Alcoholic drinks have been purchased in efforts to achieve "the best girls night ever!!" the night before the wedding.. Reception linens have been laid out, bows and ribbons have been tied.. Hundreds of party favors have been sloppily put together.. I've "oohed and ahhed" over countless wedding gowns, been to several fittings, helped pick out veils that nobody will ever remember.. Wedding websites have been scoured, in attempts to give my personal feedback about tiny wedding day details.. Pictures have been taken, speeches have been given, toasts have been made.. Cards have been signed, gifts have been given.. Blisters from shoes have left permanent scars on my precious feet.. Horrible contraptions have sucked me in for entire days during ceremonies and receptions.. Food has been consumed, water has been drunk.. Congratulations have been spoken, and tears have been shed, every time.. I've endured, and done all of these things many, many, many times, and I've never been married.. As happy as I am for each and every one of my friends, I'm retiring from such duties.. I will share in the happiness of your union and happily attend your wedding as a guest.. No more, no less..